Some Kind Of Prison
by mybeautifulxone
Summary: Do we really see ourselves the way others see us? Inspired by the TV show "My So Called Life"
1. Rita 1

Disclaimer: This is my first attempt to write something that isn't even slightly comedic, so please be kind. It's inspired by the 90s TV show My So Called Life. I'd be happy if you could R&R.

A/N: I do not own Harry Potter or any of his friends, and as much as I would like to have rights to Jordan Catalano, I don't own My So Called Life either.

_**Sometimes it seems like we're all living in some kind of prison. And the crime is how much we hate ourselves. It's good to get really dressed up once in a while. And admit the truth: that when you really look closely? People are so strange and so complicated that they're actually... beautiful. Possibly even me.**_

**Angela Chase**

**Rita**

**Half-Blood**

**Hufflepuff**** 6****th**** year**

It's all overrated, really. Going to Hogwarts, making those "you'll be lucky to drop that name later in life" connections, getting a respectable job and being matched in a convenient, smugly grinned upon engagement. That's all you're expected to achieve in life. Unless of course you're a girl. Then you can scrap finding a job if you'd like. But if you do that you'd better pop out a few magical babies.

Haven't you ever wondered if there's more? All my life, people have asked me what my surname is, then given me a confused look. "Well that's not a wizarding name at all." Then they ask me who my mum is, and the look of bewilderment becomes one of dark understanding. Oh. Her. The one that disgraced her family when she ran off with a muggle. "We've been wondering if you'd show any powers." Why wouldn't I? Sometimes I wish I wasn't a witch. Would I still get those looks? Would I be happier if I lived another life?


	2. Peter 1

**Peter**

**Pureblood**

**Gryffindor 6****th**** year**

I am invisible, and I don't need a cloak. No, really, I'd might as well not exist for all the difference it would make. Somedays, when I walk through the school with my friends, I can't help but wonder why they'd want to be seen with me. I mean, they're just so…_cool_. Girls bat their eyelashes at them before giggling amongst each other. Then they toss their cloaks at me to hold. Behold the invisible man.

My family is almost embarrassed to claim me. "He's practically a squib, how can he be in Hogwarts?" Your guess is as good as mine. After years of pitying looks and embarrassed smiles, you start to believe what they say. That you're weak, that you're talentless, that you'll never amount to anything. But guess what. Last summer, I did something. It was big. It was amazing. It was illegal. Nobody will ever know about it, nobody but my friends. So to everyone else, I will always be the invisible man.


	3. Lily 1

**Lily**

**Muggle**** born**

**Gryffindor 6****th**** year**

Mudblood. It has to be the most foul and disgusting name I have ever been called. I can't believe people could actually hate me, just because of who my parents are. Why does it really matter so much?

Have you ever walked into the girls' bathroom when there's two other girls in there, so you smile and they give you these really nasty looks? So you look closer, and then you see that their uniforms are covered in green. Oops. They look at each other and leave, but you can't help but overhear the whispered "Mudblood". It hurts, it always does, but when you go to wipe away your tears, you know you walked right into that one.

My mum and dad are amazing. They were so excited when we found out I'm a witch. They just want me to have as many options in life as I can. I don't know what I'd do without them telling me that being a witch is a gift, not a curse, and that I'm special, not a freak. If only my sister could understand…


	4. Regulus 1

Regulus

Pureblood

Slytherin 5th Year

Well, there's no denying it. As far as bloodlines go, I'm the shit. Everyone knows who I am, and when they see me coming, they'll drop to the floor, dying to let me walk all over them. Trust me, once you get to know me, you'll either love me or hate me. I'm a great friend, and I'm an asshole.

You know how girls will follow the quidditch team's star chaser around, hoping he'll turn around and fall in love with them the moment their eyes meet? I play seeker, and I get just as many girls as any of those other guys. I like that they're not as proper and they pretend to be, it makes for entertaining post-game parties. But sometimes, after we finish and I see that stupid smile on a girl's face, I wonder if she'd have gone after me if I was someone else. I'm so sick of all the fake bumkissers my family likes to surround themselves with. Sometimes, I admire the people who give me those nasty looks and call me a git to my face. I know they'll never lie to me, because they don't have to.


	5. Remus 1

**Remus**

**Half blood**

**Gryffindor 6****th**** year**

Ladies and gentlemen, I am a freak of nature. Even the freaks give me odd looks when I pass them in the corridors. I barely remember when it happened. The attack, the actual bite, it's like my brain has locked them away somewhere where my mind can't reach them. But I will always remember what happened after. Mum cried for days, her eyes were always so red. And even know, after all these years, although she's never said it, I've seen the resentful looks she gives dad. I don't want to sound like a complete arse, but sometimes I can't help but feel like it's all his fault. If he hadn't had a row with Greyback, he never would have come after me. But here I am, the beast among the mortals.

If I could wish for one thing, just one little thing, it would be not having to prove myself. Just because I'm different, my parents expect me to "be all I can be". I can't say how many times I've received letters saying "Darling, people are going to expect you to fail just because of who you are, you have to prove them wrong and then some". So here I am, prefect, top of my year, freak, and completely miserable.


	6. This Life Has Been a Test

**This life has been a test. If this had been an actual life, you would have received instructions on where to go and what to do.**

_** Angela Chase**_

_Great Hall – Breakfast_

The large hall is full of students, some stuffing their faces, some going through their mail, some reading the Prophet, all of them chatting with each other. Peter Pettigrew shoots covert glances over at the Hufflepuff table, making sure his friends won't notice. He'll never hear the end of it if they do. With a feeling of disappointment, he realizes that she's not there. Herbology isn't until this afternoon; he'd been hoping to see her before then. He sighs and rests his chin on one hand, reaching for a chocolate donut.

"Oh come on Wormtail, leave that for someone who needs it."

He jerks his hand back, looking at Sirius, who immediately grabs the pastry. Just then Lily Evans joins them, dropping into a seat next to James, who gives her a peck on the cheek. She interlocks her fingers with his, then smiles at Remus, who is sitting across from her. He gives her a small smile and nod, and then returns his attention to his book. Nobody sees the smile fade from her face as she glances up at the enchanted ceiling, which is a pale blue today. Why is she so disappointed? She ought to know better.

"D'you still want to go to Hogsmeade this weekend?" James asks her, gently rubbing her thigh with one hand.

"Um, sure," she replies, her eyes never leaving the pale boy and his book. "Remus, is that the chapter on inferi? I haven't finished it yet."

Regulus watches the Gryffindor table, his eyes on a group of sixth years towards the end by the door. He tells his friends that he's just trying to make sure his brother doesn't sneak up on him when he's not expecting it. If they knew who he was really looking at… A group of fourth years passes by him; a tall blonde runs a hand through his hair.

"I had fun last night, we should do that again sometime."

He winks at her, and then returns his attention to a different girl. Damn her for being so pretty, figures that all he can do is look at her. He'll never talk to her.

Breakfast is almost over. Indeed, people are getting up to head to their first classes when a flustered looking girl stumbles in. Her face flushed and her breathing heavy, she makes her way to the Gryffindor table, where a short, slightly chubby boy is sitting, looking incredibly glum.

"Peter, hi!" she says, dropping into an empty seat next to him and brushing a strand of her blonde hair out of her face. "I just wanted to see if you'll be in Herbology today, I know we're learning to harvest the tentacula venom today."

He looks at her and tries not to blush. "Hi Rita," he says with a smile, "of course I'll be there, can't let you handle the tentacula alone."

She flashes a smile at him, grabs an apple from the table and hurries towards her first class. Peter watches her for a bit, then James' voice jerks him back to reality.

"So she's going to be handling your tentacula, eh?"

"Shut up," he mutters, grabbing his bag and leaving for Charms.


	7. Rita 2

**Rita**

Have you ever looked at someone and felt like their unhappiness was so contagious you find yourself wanting to crawl under a rock? That's what it's like when I talk to Peter, my Herbology partner. I mean, when you talk to him, he's this really bright guy who is the sweetest person you'll ever meet. But when his friends come around…it's like seeing this really pretty flower, and then watching someone's boot stomp on it. They're just so,...urgh. There's this muggle story, about an orphan who was raised by monkeys and ended up swinging from trees in the jungle. Then, when he finally met a real girl, he didn't know how to act around her. Yeah. Poor Peter…

I'm not sure why I care so much, I guess it's just because he understands me or something. Like, he doesn't care what other people say about me behind my back or to my face. We can talk about anything, Herbology, or teachers, or our families. It's like he gets me or something. Sometimes, we just keep talking, even after the bell that ends class rings. He's so funny. But then the gorillas come 'round, and it's like he just retreats back into the shell, like a snail or a turtle. I don't know, I guess I just like talking to him. It's a shame he wasn't sorted into Hufflepuff.


	8. Peter 2

**Peter**

If I was Sirius, I'd have all the girls trying to talk to me. If I was James, I'd be the best quidditch player in the entire school. If I was Remus, I'd be this mad genius who can get full marks on a piece of homework without even looking at a book. But I'm neither of them, I'm just plain old Peter, ratboy extraordinaire. They like to remind me of that every once in a while. "Don't mind Wormtail, he couldn't charm a giggle out of a school girl!" I mean, they're my friends, they have been for years. It's just…sometimes I feel like they don't understand what's going on in my life. I try to talk to them, but they give me these odd looks and start talking about some seventh year's tits or something like that.

I think that's why I like Rita so much. Rita never laughs, unless I'm trying to make her laugh. She always listens, and if I don't say anything, she asks "What's wrong?" I definitely feel so blessed to be able to call her a friend. We just…get each other. I see the way people look at her, and I know what they say about her in the loo and in the common room. It's just not fair. How can people claim we need more diversity in the wizarding world, and then judge us when we seem even the least bit different from what's considered normal? Rita is smart, and funny, and the most beautiful girl I ever met. I've fancied her for months now, but I know that she'll never feel the same about me. Merlin, I'm lucky that she even _talks_ to me. Perhaps I'll just go to Herbology and feel special when she smiles at me.


	9. Lily 2

**Lily**

I'm in trouble. I am in so much trouble. I have a boyfriend, who is funny, talented, arguably brilliant, and incredibly handsome. And I'm in love with his best friend. Damn. What do I do? I really think I could love James, once he grows up a little and stops hexing Severus every single time he blinks. But I can't sit with him without wanting to just…look at Remus. There's something about him that just makes me want to…have you ever seen a book from across the library, and it just grabs your attention? So before you realize what you're doing, you get up, walk over and grab it. I want to read Remus, know what makes him tick, what keeps him with his nose glued to the book of the day. And there's something about him, something he's not telling anyone. James says it's nothing and I shouldn't worry about it. But sometimes, when Remus looks up and our eyes meet from across the common room, I see something there, something that I've never seen in anyone else's eyes. I wonder what it is?

I'm terrified that James will find out what has been going on in my mind. I'm trying to suppress these thoughts, but they just sneak up on me when I least expect it. When we're on prefect duty, patrolling the corridors, I have to try so hard not to just reach out and grab his hand. Surely he must have some idea of how I feel about him? I hope not.


	10. Regulus 2

**Regulus**

I know it sounds ungrateful and all, but sometimes I hate my life. Yeah yeah, my family is rich, my brother is almost ridiculously handsome and popular, and I'm not a wallflower myself. But sometimes I wish I could just…disappear, if even only for an hour or so. People see me, realize who I am, and feel the need to mention that their father does business with my father. I know the kind of business my father is involved in, is that really supposed to impress me?

I guess it's not like it's all bad though. When I sit in the common room, and a pretty sixth year climbs into my lap and starts playing with my hair, I can't really complain. I mean, I know that if I wasn't who I am, she probably wouldn't waste a second thought on me when she passes by. The thing is, they're not the girl I fancy. And the girl I fancy…she won't look at me. Why should she, I'm nothing to her. I'm her boyfriend's best friend's little brother. And even if she did smile at me, the way I've been dreaming she would if she knew I existed, it's not like I could ever talk to her. We "move in different circles", as my father would say. He'd also tan my hide if he knew the thoughts I've been having about a…Merlin. It figures that the one girl I truly want to get to know is the one girl I'm not allowed to speak to. If I was invisible, it wouldn't matter. Nobody would notice or care if I walked across the great hall one morning and said "hi". Who comes up with the rules for how we live?


	11. Remus 2

**Remus**

Is it just me, or does it seem like everyone's life is so much easier than mine? I mean, James has the perfect life. Respectable parents, good looks, almost ridiculous talent on the quidditch pitch, not to mention that he's dating the most popular girl in the entire school. I shan't even start talking about Sirius, who seems to have been blessed by every single god and notable sorcerer in the world at birth. I sort of wish I could be like that, you know, known for something other than being "the smart one". That's what I like about James dating Lily. She doesn't just expect me to give her the answers to her homework or get her out of detention. Not that she'd need me to, she's brilliant, and she'd never get in trouble either. Not that I'd expect anything else from Sirius, James and Peter. I'm just happy someone will talk to me. It's been an interesting six years, watching James and Sirius get in trouble over and over again, getting dragged into it myself on occasion, trying to help poor Peter figure out what's going on. Oh what the hell. I'm not dying, I shouldn't be complaining.


End file.
